I have been racked with guilt for the
last few weeks, I seem to keep ignoring things I should be doing.
this can be an issue as I am a HUGE procrastinator. The problem is I
am not sure if I am procrastinating or just really busy. I could ask
people their opinion but then we just add “needy” to
procrastinating!
I came back from a wonderful holiday
full of renewed vigour and determination to do more. I really meant
to be busy, busy, busy, and it feels like I am but it isn't the
things I want to be busy with. My big plans of organising all the
final small details of our wedding, my determination to upload one
blog post a week, keeping Facebook and twitter up to date and even
editing the WIP have all fallen by the way side.
This is the fourth week since my last
blog update, Facebook and twitter have definitely been neglected, I
haven't looked at my WIP since returning from holidays, and wedding
plans are in an indefinite holding pattern. I keep meaning to make
time, but whenever there is a moment with nothing to do or no one to
see, I sit down with a book, play a game, watch a movie or stare into
space. Then I feel guilty because those two or three hours could have
been spent doing any number of tasks on the list of things I am going
to make time for.
I realise that the body, mind and soul
need relaxation time and for me reading a good book is the greatest
kind of relaxation, without taking time out the creative juices will
cease to flow...right?
Everything I read about writing and
becoming published tells me to sit down and write whether I feel like
it or not, get up earlier, go to bed later, stop watching TV, lock
the door and write. I thought this was sage advice, I tried to follow
it. I gave up computer games, television, movies (I still read, why
write if you don't read?), pretty soon I was doing nothing but the
day job and writing, except I wasn't writing anything good, I
couldn't keep my mind on the editing process, I was becoming
indecisive and reclusive.
Friends were asking why I wasn't seeing
or speaking to them, the day job was a chore and I was way to tired
to be there anyway having stayed up late with my ineffectual writing.
So after my holiday I added spending time with the people important
to me and quality time with Mr Saunders, This meant late nights and
trying to cram writing into weird times. A change in habit is a
procrastinator's worst dream, It makes finding the time so much
harder and the excuses for not finding the time so much easier.
I haven’t been able to find much
time for the computer, Christmas is approaching and the day job is
getting madder by the day (as retail does with the onset of the silly
season), Huge amounts of over time, then cooking and cleaning, when
my day off comes around I sleep, spend time with Mr Saunders, catch
up with a friend, or as I am today organise family dinner with my
daughter and her girlfriend. When all of this is said and done I
would kill for a few minutes to myself so I read, have a long shower
or just stare into space.
Add to this my two weeks trying to beat
the worst flu I have had in years and you get a lot more sleeping.
It seems hard to say I am too busy to write when all I seem to do is
work, sleep and see a couple of friends. Writing (as fun and
wonderful as it is to create new worlds and imaginary friends) is
another kind of work, and one that takes a lot of mental and creative
energy. If I don't take the time to recharge and re-energise how can
I do justice to the worlds I am trying to get down onto paper?
Having put my rambling thoughts down
into a blog update (YAY!! one thing done!) I am still not sure if I
am making excuses or genuinely busy, What are your opinions? Do you
find life getting in the way of the things you wish you could be
doing? Do you feel guilty for not enough done?
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