Why do we do what we do?

I have a habit one I am sure I share with many writers, both new and old, published or otherwise. I read every interesting blog I can find about writing or hosted by writers. I have open tabs on chrome of blogs I have found links to but not yet found time to read and even an in-box full of posts from blogs I have subscribed to. Every now and then when the backlog of unread blogs gets too high I sit down and commit to an afternoon of blog reading.

One of these blogs I subscribe to The other side of the story, posts quite regularly and has been filling my in-box with links to new posts making me feel first lackadaisical and then guilty. If you subscribe to something you really should pay it the attention you have implied you would, it is a social contract and as Sheldon Cooper would tell us “...If that contract breaks down, then all social contracts break down, and we descend into anarchy.”

I do not want to be the cause of any anarchical dystopian world (well actually I do...but only the ones I create in my head to put down on paper), so I set aside some time to read a few of the many awesome posts from The other side of the story. One of these was a Guest Author spot by Michael Kinn posted back in early May. I must say Kinn's post Speculative Ninjas for the Win! Really spoke to me, it inspired me, not to sit down and write but to try and define what it is about writing that captures my soul.

At a time when my personal life is quite stressful and the fun part of writing (the actual writing) seems like a distance memory as I am bogged down in editing and proof reading my WIP, Michael Kinn's guest blog (The Other side of the story, May 10 2013) was exactly what I needed to read, in it he tells us that:

“Whatever your occupation, someone is bound to ask the dreaded question: “Why do you do what you do?” Great if you happen to be a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon. What if you’re, say, a writer? Why do you write?”

At first glance that seems like such an easy question, I ask it of myself and I feel the answer deep in my heart, right down to the pit of my stomach. I write because I have to....I need to...I want to...It relieves the daily stress, calms the nerves, gives my over active imagination an outlet. This is not really the answer people want to hear, it is not clear or concise, I am pretty sure only another writer or artistically inclined person would understand the sentiment.

This answer also does not explain why after the actual writing is done and the pain and headaches (yes I'm melodramatic...I am writer for gods sake!) of editing and proof reading so my baby is ready to be pitched to virtual strangers who will not all be kind.

So why do I do this? Why do I write? Why do I embrace all of the aspects of being a writer, even those that are no fun? Why do I identify as a writer when I have never been published? Why do I want to be published?

I'm looking for the pitch Michael Kinn says is important, that short and sweet, flippant statement that explains everything and nothing, but I can't get to this unless I know the longer answer.

Why do I do this? Why do I write?

The easiest way for me to understand my own feelings and make sense of my world is to write about it, make it a story. I have a tendency to have very vivid and sometimes disturbing dreams, the emotions raised by these dreams will often stay with me well into the next day. A nightmare can actually ruin my whole day if I can not get it out of my head. Because of this I started writing my dreams down a long time ago, I have a dream journal that I use, but a lot of my more vivid dreams take on a mind of their own and become long and involved stories. My current WIP is actually quite a few snippets of dreams that took on a life of their own and joined together.

Why do I embrace all of the aspects of being a writer, even those that are no fun?

This is a simpler answer, If I am going to anything I am going to do it properly. I am stubborn, I am a perfectionist, I give everything I undertake one hundred percent. Writing the story and getting it out of my head is fun, but I want my story to be the best I am capable of, I want my story to be complete and consistent. I want my story to be something I am proud of! After all my mummybear has always told me, without pain there is no gain.

Why do I identify as a writer when I have never been published?

I wanted to be writer ever since I read my first book. The only thing better then curling up with a pot of tea and a good book is curling up with a pot of tea and writing. Writing makes me whole, it makes me happy, calm and centred. If I don't write the voices in my head start yelling and screaming to be heard.

Some of my best friends are the characters I write about, I can have conversations with them, I can interact with them...of course if I walked around talking to imaginary people I might become very familiar with the inside of a padded room!

I am a writer because that is what I do, it is what my imaginary friends demand I do, If I stop writing they will never become as real to the rest of the world as they are to me.

Why do I want to be published?

Largely for my own ego, I want the validation of being good enough for a publishing house to look at. I would be lying if I didn't include that truth.

Who doesn't want the accolade, and euphoria that comes with other people not only reading your work but telling you it is good. I have never had a five star review, but can't wait to become published and find out just how amazing it feels to get one.

On a more modest note, writing is my dream job, If I could chose to do anything it would be to be paid to write and share my worlds with other people. Getting published is one step closer to living the dream.

So what is the short answer? What is my pitch? What would my answer be if Michael Kinn asked me 'why do you write?'

Quite simply, the answer has to be:

I'm too crazy to know any better!

Now it's your turn, Why do you do what you do? Do you have a choice in what you do? Do you enjoy all aspects of what you do? Are you working towards living the dream or are you already there?

Making the hard decisions sucks! No really it seriously sucks!

There is something about acting like an adult and making hard but needed decisions that makes my inner child chuck a tantrum so big and loud it can be seen on the outside. Most of the time I can keep my inner tyke contained or at the very least bribed to stay quiet, recent decisions however have tested and broken my steely resolve to be a dignified adult.

Due to (partially) unexpected circumstances and a huge lack of financial planning on our part we had to make a call will we cut back on our magical day of matrimony and go ahead with a bargain basement wedding, or will we wait another 12 months and ensure we are able to have exactly what we wanted?

As adults we have of course decided to wait another 12 months and do things the right way without all the stress, financial and otherwise. This is smart, this is wise, this is what any responsible adult would do! Still my inner two year old (who I call Princess) doesn't understand the concept of waiting. “I want to be Mrs Saunders and I want pretty clothes and pretty hair and I want people to look at me...I want to be Mrs Saunders NOW! (Or at the very latest August 13 this year...) why can't I be Mrs Saunders now...now now now NOW!!”

My inner teenager is not 'digging' the decision either, she has been planning her wedding for as long as we can remember. So after the fist beating throw yourself on the floor tantrums of Princess I get to work through an eye rolling, angst ridden lecture...”How hard could it be? just use the money. It seriously can't be that hard to find a florist on short notice, who cares (insert metaphorical eye roll) that the one you thought would do it pulled out? Just ring a florist they will know what you want god it isn't hard, bet I could do it...oh and I know you are saving for a wedding but get me those shoes I want...NOW!”

Unfortunately adult Sarah has not been as vocal as either of these younger inner egos lately, so poor Mr Saunders has had to put up with a lot of sulking and petulance. I knew I had hit the low point when I started conceiving a plan to go to the Mount Isa council office and quietly get married. Never in my life did I see my wedding to my soulmate that way, and I am pretty sure Mummybear and Mum would both be heartbroken without being there for our special day.

I have now started to get my head around the concept that there will be another 14 months until saying I do and legally becoming Mrs Sarah Saunders. I had one very tear filled morning at the day job when I had to cancel my annual leave and explain why, but I swear that is all behind me now, I have put on the big girl pants and no matter how much I want it to be as planned the wedding is officially postponed. It will be better for it, less stress, more money, better planned.

I need to stay focused though, it may be all to easy to sit back and do nothing until it is too late again! That procrastination trait rears its ugly head all too easily sometimes and some things just can not be achieved adequately with stress and deadlines looming large.

I am interested to know what decisions other people have found hard to make, do you ever regret making the adult decision? Has waiting for something so important made it better when it finally happens? Is your inner child easy to keep quiet? Share your story in the comments...