Why Keeping a Messy, Eligible Journal Is the Best Thing I've Ever Done.

We live in a hectic, non stop world. As much as we may want to stop and smell the roses, we are not always able to find the time. Just over two years ago I was go, go, go, I had a hard job which paid great money, with no children my husband and I could splurge on anything we wanted, without worrying about monetary consequences. Inevitably the long hours and stress caught up with me. I kept telling people I would find a new career, but when you are working fifty plus hours a week there is no time to do anything much more than work, eat and sleep.

So there I was, full of inner turmoil, and yet, still unwilling to stop and look at what I was doing to my mental, emotional and physical health. I started going to doctors looking for them to tell me what was wrong, why couldn't I get to sleep, but also why once asleep I couldn't wake up? Why did I always seem to be suffering stomach and digestive upsets? Why was I suffering permanent tension headaches and frequent migraines? 

Finally a doctor told me it was, very mild anxiety, nothing to worry about, just meditate more often and things will be fine. So I meditated, and meditated, I tried mindfulness, guided mediation, hypnosis, floating in water. If it was said to help anxiety I tried it. I kept on ignoring the increasingly obvious warning signs, as long as I showed up and did my job, no one else seemed to care anyway. I fell into the trap waiting for many of us with "high functioning" chronic or mental illness. I didn't look sick, so nobody, not even myself realised how sick I was.

So after about two years of being told not to worry by doctors, and racking up sick days I couldn′t explain properly even to myself I ended up in a very dark place. You see, there was nothing very mild about my anxiety (which we now know followed me from childhood), and to make it an extra big ball of no fun at all, major depression decided to join my very morbid party. I went from high functioning to an almost comatose mess practically over night.

Watching Netflix on my laptop, or playing games on my phone became my daily crutch, an escape from a reality I wanted nothing to do with. As the days went on I became more and more despondent, and a greater danger to self. Eventually I found myself being admitted to the Cairns Mental Health Unit, a place which saved my life by starting me on a two year long quest to find my self acceptance and inner peace.

My first moment in the MHU was traumatic, I had to give up all devices with cameras, goodbye laptop, so long phone. 

I was distraught, how would I write without my laptop? 

How would I live without internet and text messages?

One of the nurses suggested I could be old fashioned and write by hand. So I began putting my thoughts down in blue ink on blank printer paper. My husband and friends all caught on quick and brought me notepads, journals and pens. So I wrote, in blue, black, red, purple and green. I wrote poems, thoughts, and how my day progressed. I wrote letters to my loved ones which I never shared. I started writing in different journals for different things.

I had a recovery journal, to write about my treatment and diagnoses, a daily journal to write about mundane boring things, a dream journal, a spiritual and emotional journal, a shadow journal, and a journal to write about my childhood and past traumas. So many books and so many colours, but I really did begin to feel so much better. The more I wrote, and the more my hand held the pens, the more at peace I began to feel. There is something utterly cathartic about the physical act of releasing your thoughts. 

As time went on and medications kicked in, I dropped the number of journals down and also decreased the fervid scribbling which filled every moment of my days.

Nowadays I keep a dream journal, a shadow work journal, and a regular journal. I don't write in them every day, but it is a regular occurrence to find me sitting outside with a cup of tea and my journal. It is a calming experience, and one which brings a great sense of inner peace and relief to my soul. The benefits of journaling are easily garnered, the very the act of connecting mind to pen and pen to paper brings a deep sense of harmony. A busy mind accepts the ime you need it to quiet down as long as it knows it has regular moments to get the crazy thoughts out.

Today, journaling is quite a fashion statement and if you are the creative type you can get some pretty fancy pages going. Writing for emotional health or inner peace however, is not about how pretty you make it rather, it is about telling your truth, and letting your soul have a voice. Your journal is a place you can write how you are feeling everyday and over time be able to track personal patterns and behaviours.

Writing honest accounts about how you feel and where your life is going can be a great way to solve problems and discover your soul's purpose. Looking back at months gone past is an invaluable way to track your progress through challenging times and see how far you have come. It does not matter how neat or messy the pages become, at times I can not even read my own writing and that is perfectly okay. Its not about having a show piece to brag about, rather an inner peace journal is about getting the emotional baggage out of your head, which keeps us in turmoil out.

Journaling is a way to tell someone (even if is just ourselves and the divine) our fears and secrets. It helps us feel heard in a world which is increasingly deaf to our pain and suffering. It is so much better to get festering thoughts out and onto paper where we can read them back to ourselves and steal the destructive power they have over our psyche. Picking up those pens was the best thing I ever did and I promise if you grab pen and paper and start writing it will be the best thing you ever did to find your own inner peace as well.

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Diamonds May Not Be a Girls Best Friend After All!

April is my birth month, diamonds are my birthstone. Growing up my mother always gave me diamonds for special birthdays. I always felt special with my little diamond chip rings and necklaces. As I became older and more aware of the world I started to find diamonds a little plain and overpriced. I also began developing my social and political consciousness, I began worrying about where the diamond was sourced. I absolutely abhor the thought of having someone’s blood and suffering (quite literally) on my hands. When it was time to choose an engagement ring my now husband and I both agreed diamonds were out. It may be a symbol of love, commitment and fidelity, but it was not the right symbol for us (I’ll tell you about my engagement ring another time).

These days I only wear diamonds of sentimental nature. My mother’s eternity ring and the diamond and sapphire pendant my father gave my mother when I was born. If you love diamonds however, and just can’t live without them, don’t despair, there are countries that produce beautiful diamonds without the torture, death and blood marring the beauty. I have seen Argyle diamonds from the Kimberly region right here in Australia which make me rethink my idea of diamonds being plain and overpriced. In fact, now I think about it I do own a lovely, ethically sourced, black diamond ring which my mother bought me. 

Why would it be so important to ensure our diamonds are ethically sourced? Energy of course! All crystals and stones have their own energy as well as energy from those who have handled them. you could cleanse your diamonds well, but I tend to think that much pain and suffering would leave an imprint. To me it is the same kind of unmovable negative energy as accumulates in stolen crystals. It is definitely not the kind of zing you want in a healing, magical, or meditation tool.

So, once you have your ethically sourced diamonds what can you look forward to?

A diamond can help clear and energise the heart, third eye and crown chakras. It brings us closer to our higher self and helps us understand our soul purpose in this lifetime as well as clarify our life lessons. Diamonds can help our intellect and ego connect with our higher consciousness, bringing all states of our being into alignment to work together towards one goal. By bringing all the different parts of our self together, (physical, emotional, spiritual), diamonds can help us manifest our dreams and goals, especially when worn on our person every day.

As I stated earlier diamonds are seen as symbols of love, commitment, and fidelity, however, they also symbolise: purity, wealth, manifestation, abundance, and transformation. Personally, I feel diamonds should not be used to symbolise wealth as to me they symbolise “wealth at any cost”, due to the controversy surrounding blood diamonds and the Cartels that trade in them.

Diamonds are a wonderful stone to use for transformation, and an awesome stone to carry during hard times. As we all learn very early in life, the beautiful diamond was once a dark and dusty piece of charcoal exposed to tremendous amounts of pressure. By reminding ourselves of how a diamond becomes such a beautiful precious stone, we can focus on learning and transforming ourselves through the hard times of our lives. We can remain graceful under pressure knowing that we will not only survive but come out the other side as something more beautiful and refined. 

Diamonds are great amplifiers and will exacerbate any emotional state, whether positive or negative. Some people believe it is better to take your diamonds off when entering a less then ideal emotional state, I believe however that if you cleanse your diamonds well and program them clearly they can help reinforce our positive moments even when we are going through the negative. Diamonds help us deal with emotional and mental anguish by bringing clarity of thought and enabling us to see and heal the trigger to such painful, destructive, and debilitating responses.

A diamond is a valuable tool for those of us undertaking shadow work, as it can show us the light at the end of the tunnel and help lead us out of the darkness with a greater sense of self. The transformative and clear-thinking aspect of the diamond makes it very useful for creative endeavours, using our imagination, and finding our courage. The perfect gift for writers, artists, musicians, or anyone who makes their living creatively.

Diamonds can also assist those living with glaucoma, blurry vision, allergies, and chronic conditions. It is also a good stone to help re-balance the metabolism, and aid in weight loss and the transformation of our body’s shape.

On a spiritual level diamonds help with psychic development by connecting us to higher planes and activating our prefrontal lobe, which is the seat of our paranormal abilities. It makes higher energies in the spiritual realms more accessible while at the same time filling holes and recharging our auric fields. It is a great stone for clairvoyants as it enhances inner visions and intuitive connections, especially when held against the third eye/forehead.

It is the every ready battery of the crystal world, it never needs recharging and boosts and recharges other stones placed near it. Over all Diamond is a pretty spectacular stone when we view it as more than just a gift of love or show of status. It has many uses and as long as we continue to find ethical sources it can be a great healing or magical tool within our crystal collections.

Do you want my Monthly blog to come to you? How about other news about where I am and what I am doing around cairns? Join the mailing list for my monthly Mystical Museletter, every month there is a special deal just for Subscribers. Yes, I want to be a Musette